Time flies

Woopsie, I haven't written for a while! I feel like time is going very quickly. I can't believe that in a week or so I'll have been here for 2 months. Over the past week and a half I've been carrying on with my day to day duties- planning activities, working on a development chart for the children, spending time with the children and the house mums, picking up the children from school, helping plan Rainbow Smiles, and assisting running the Friday afternoon session. We had another birthday in the unit last week, as one of the little girls celebrated her fifth birthday, so I was also busy planning some party games for that :-) She ended up receiving two cakes, and two dolls! The German team bought her a cake as well as the one we had got for her, and they also sang her Happy Birthday- the german version. She stood there with big eyes and her mouth wide open.

Over the past couple of weeks some new volunteers have arrived- , Niall, a retired GP from England, and Lance, Travis and Andy from Canada. Andy is Tim's cousin and was only here for a week, but Travis and Andy are staying for a month. At the weekend me, Grace, Niall, Lance and Travis went to Cape Town and climbed Table Mountain. It felt like a giant had built the steps up to the top, they were so big and steep. Unfortunately for the guys we had to go 'Jesspace' as I wasn't feeling too good. But the view from the top was amazing. We also went to the beach and made sandcastles.

One memory that has come to my mind is when Grace and I stopped at a large cafe before we picked up the kids from school. We were hungry and we had food in the fridge at the unit, but we ended up guiltily sharing a cake outside in the patio area overlooking a lawn. Ten minutes later we drove into the township to pick up the kids. The contrast couldn't have been greater; the cafe was full of primarily white people enjoying lunch with glass of wine, whilst the township was hot and dusty and we were noticeably the only white people in sight. I don't want to oversimplify the situation: it's not that white, coloured and black people never mix or that there's absolutely no overlap between their worlds. But the wounds of the apartheid are still very raw, and it's evident that different worlds are still co-existing together with little interaction between the two. It's a bizarre feeling to move between them.

Beauty from ashes

I don't want my blog to simply be a big splurge of all my feelings and emotions (!) but I'd still like to be honest about my experiences here in Grabouw, and this week I've been experiencing a lot of turbulent emotions. When you're away from a familiar environment, and you're distanced from your support network of family friends, you can be painfully stripped down to the essentials of who you are, and what your purpose is. I have felt very vulnerable at times, a little bundle of insecurities and fears, and yesterday I was weighed down by the intensity of my inward struggles. I've found it frustrating, because I so want to concentrate on the need of the people here, and on pressing into God's dreams and purposes for The Village of Hope and Grabouw, but I've felt like I'm hindered by my own personal battles. However, I'm realising that there's no use berating myself about the way I feel. God uses the whole of each person, including the dark, frail broken parts, and he will turn ashes to beauty.

Anyway, this week has been as busy as ever. On Monday we held a birthday party for a little boy who has just turned 2. Big boy! All the adults ended up standing around aimlessly whilst the children pigged out on a birthday party feast. The funniest part was when they started doing happy little jiggly dances in their seats, whilst eating!

One of the little girls is still at hospital, as she needs to be sorted out with both her TB and HIV medication. Hopefully she'll be back home soon :-) All the house Mums are as funny and lively as ever. I'm loving getting to know them; I think they're incredible women, and having worked part-time in childcare, I have real admiration for them as they're on 12 hour shifts. They love to laugh! They even laugh at half 6 in the morning, although I just don't know how they have the energy to make any noise at all at that time. The house mums work shifts- 3 on a day shift, 2 on a night shift, and then they rotate, so in total there are 10 main house mums. Mel, a long-term volunteer, helps manage the staff for the children's unit, so she has her hands full.

There are currently twenty german students on site, building a new accomodation block, and every morning they drive up the track and arrive in convoy through the gate in their different coloured cars. It's like a travelling circus, except a bit more civilised. Having another building will mean there is more potential for the exisitng space i.e. extending the children's unit or making another office. They're working hard and it's interesting to see the framework of the building slowly rising from the ground.

Ok, that's about all I can think of for now. My love goes to everybody back home. I love you and miss you xx

Change and a challenge

This week has been a busy one. Monday saw the arrival of a new volunteer called Grace, who'll be at the Village of Hope for 3 months. It's really lovely to have another girl my own age, as I've spent quite a bit of time in a house full of men! No offence to men ofcourse :-p She's settling in well and she's sharing the room I'm in, so I'm geting to know her :-) We've both helped out a couple of times in the sports work, and I really enjoyed Thursday's game of hockey with some kids who live on a nearby farm. I was on the winning team and have discovered that I actually quite like hockey, even if it does mean getting hit by long sticks. The children were well-behaved, and it's a blessing to be able to spend time with them and have fun together.

Today, the three German guys who have been living here departed to their new accomodation about ten minutes away, where they'll join the rest of their team. I'll miss them trundling around in their big man boots, eating their rather interesting and sloppy Weetabix/milk/fruit breakfast, and trying to imitate the Yorkshire way to say 'butter'!

This week I also found myself teetering uncomfortably on the brink of taking responsibility for the group run for HIV+ young teenagers, called Rainbow Smiles. There is no one to take full ownership of the programme, and although I'm not really a natural leader, I've decided to run it with Grace, and in the meantime try and work out a way to sustain the project in the long-term. I believe it's important to the children who go, and hopefully we can continue to make it enjoyable for them.

The weather here has been changeable- hot for several days, and then overcast and even rainy for another few days. At the moment it's fruit picking season, and along a nearby road leading to the centre of Grabouw there is a big apple factory. There are thousands of stacked wooden crates, giving off a delicious treacly apple smell. One of the most noticeable things about driving around Grabouw is that the concept of 'a road for cars' is not a particularly strong one. So far I've driven through a herd of cows, swerved to avoid dogs and chickens, and anxiously shooed children off the road who seemed to be just hanging out there (like you do!). On a more serious note, a little girl was knocked over on Friday by a taxi driver and there was an ambulance and a crowd of people in one of the townships. :-(

I'll write again soon. Love and hugs x

Stickers!

I'm trying to remember what I've done in the last week...it's been a mix of different things. I started doing a behaviour chart with the older children- if they were good on the school run they got to choose a special sticker to put on the chart, and if they got three stickers they were allowed to go and choose some sweets on Friday! Problem is, we can't just keep giving them sweets all the time! I've fallen in love with the children, and although obviously they can be hard work, they are so special and they all have little individual personalities which are growing. One little boy who's about two years old is really coming out of himself. When I first arrived a month ago he was very quiet and withdrawn, but now he is smiling and making squealy sounds! In his little voice, he says slowly 'Bye byeeeee...see you neeeext time.'

God creates places of safety and sanctuary, physical places and spiritual places, and it's amazing to see how He is working out His purposes here. On Friday I helped run the Rainbow Smiles club for adolescents with HIV with Tim. It's hard to take over from someone else who was doing such a good job (!), but I'm looking forward to getting to know the children who come.

One things I'm learning is that although I may find it shocking and difficult to see people who have so little in terms of material wealth, the root of the need is not simply that they need a nicer house or more possessions. I don't mean to say that this wouldn't be a good thing, or to try and justify how it is that some of us live in luxury whilst others scrape by. But being poor leaves deeper marks- the lack of education, motivation, medical aid, and opportunity. I also remember reading this quote from Mother Teresa: 'The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.' When The Village of Hope is looking to place children into families, it aims to put them back into their own community, as do many other similar charities. This means that they're unlikely to gain material wealth, but this is not the heart of the matter. Instead, the aim is to place them with a family who loves them, and hopefully who provide for them by encouraging them in their education, understanding their medical needs, and spiritually supporting them.

I've now been here a month and it's gone so quickly! At a church small group meeting someone I didn't know was praying for me, and in their prayer they prophesised and said that I felt like I was riding a wild horse, but that God wanted me to stay on the horse, not get off. This is often how I've felt this first month- that I'm just about clinging on to the horse's mane,and at times I'd really like to dismount! When I've felt like this, what has kept me going is knowing that God has put me here. Although I know it's good to have confidence in your own abilities as well, I think the ultimate stronghold is having confidence in God's soverign ability to work in each and everyone of our lives.

Sports

Hello :-) Ok, so I'm not exactly the most sporty person you'll ever meet!- but on Friday and again on Monday I joined Tim and one of the young mentors to play cricket at different townships. Despite my lack of sports skills, I actually quite enjoy going because it's a chance to meet the amazing children in the community. The Village has a partnership with a Dutch university, which involves several students coming over to SA to help implement a sports and educational programme. The next couple of students are due to arrive soon, so until they do Tim is just running an informal group which runs every afternoon.

There's always lots going on at the Village of Hope, with people busy carrying out their different roles and responsibilities. Tim and Maz do an amazing job at directing and managing the project, and they rely upon God to guide them and strengthen them in all they do. Today Maz took one of the little girls from the unit to hospital as she hasn't been very well and has been losing weight :-(

This morning I went out with the nurses from another Thembalitsha project, Thembacare, which involves going on foot into the townships and visiting out-patients with them. I didn't actually do anything, but it was good to go into the community. I also found it difficult. I don't know whether, after twenty one years of living my privileged life in England, I'm ever going to 'get used' to seeing the way people live here. In many ways it's a vibrant community, and not all the houses are impoverished- some people have TVs, music players, little gardens outside, or some tiling on their floor. However, there is such a mix of the different gradients of lifestyle within the townships that I feel as though I'm an alien who's just landed on earth- it's still overwhelming and surreal, and I can't seem to clock that it's reality, especially as I return to my comfortable bed and shower at the volunteer's unit. Some people are fine just as they are- this is their normality, and they are happy and appreciative of what they have. Yet I sometimes feel very guilty and helpless when see the very poor shack houses, especially when I just feel like I want to get far away from it. I'm comforted by the fact that our God is the same God, whereever you go, and that He will continue to change lives here in Grabouw.

The germans arrive...

This week saw the arrival of three german students who are constructing a new building for the Village of Hope for part of their university course in architecture. They'll be joined by the rest of their team (about 20 others) in several weeks, but obviously the whole team won't live here as there's not enough space! The three who have already arrived are living in the volunteers' house for now, and during the day they charge through, speaking rapid german, gesticulating and looking stressed (they are very busy). I tend to potter around looking bemused, catching the odd word like 'Tim' and 'township'. I've cooked for them tonight, to try and 'destress' them, although perhaps this isn't a good idea as I'm not exactly a master chef...(!)

This isn't related directly SA, but today I found out that Marguerita, an old lady from my home church, has died of cancer. I loved her and I know she is loved by many. She was and is an amazing lady, and she will be missed. She fought the good fight of faith, and she has finally gone home to Jesus. It's both heartbreaking and joyful at the same time. I mourn my friend, but I rejoice that she lives in God's new world, above and beyond what we can ever imagine.

So today I've been saddened, but I've also kept busy. I've prepared an activity for the children, helped Maz start to clear out a building that will be used as the german student's meeting/hang out place, gone shopping, picked up the kids from school, had lunch, played with the children, checked some office supplies, and made dinner for die Germans. Yesterday I went along to the sports project, which is held every afternoon in one of the townships. Me and Emily did some netball with the girls (I sort of hopped around and threw the ball occassionally), and the boys played football with Tim (project leader) and Tim B (another volunteer, here for 2 years!). The children are ragged and dusty with no shoes, but they're SO smiley. I made the mistake of sitting down at one point and got buried beneath a pile of children. Although I'm not sporty, I can see the difference that the sports project has in these children's lives- sport is a way of interacting with the kids, teaching them good skills, and letting know them that they are loved.

On Monday, I went with Mel to take one of the baby boys (he's one and a hlaf) to Tygerberg hospital for a check up on his ear, which he's been having problems with and had to be treated for. We had to wait for 4 hours! But he was really good, and spent most of the time playing with my notebook and pen, before finally conking out!

So that's my update for the time being. Lots of love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Loved ones, learning and life in the townships

You can tell I'm an English graduate because I couldn't resist using alliteration! Anyway, I've now been here nearly two weeks. I found the first half of this week particularly hard, because I started to feel very homesick, mostly in the morning for some reason. I really miss my lovely family and friends who I'm so close to and love so much, and I miss being with people I know and love, who know and love me. But the positive is that I know I'm really blessed by God to have special people in my life. Thankyou to everyone who has emailed or commented on my blog- your encouragement and support means such a lot to me.

Another challenge out here is one that I didn't expect. Being in an entirely different place away from all that is familiar can bring to the surface quite a lot of insecurities and fears (actually, loads)! At times I've struggled to believe in myself, or have doubted that I'll be any use to anyone, or have painfully compared myself to others and their abilities. But God, with all his love and gentleness and grace, is slowly showing me that for each person He has a specific dream, and that I have to trust that He has given me a completely unique path which only I can walk. It's hard to trust this when I feel lacking in qualities which I wish I possess, but I know that God is working in my heart to change the way I identify myself, so that I can love and trust Him more. As well as this, I know that ultimately it's not what we do, but what we allow God to do through us, that really matters in the end. And that belief is the heartbeat of the Village of Hope.

Yesterday I went along to a club called Rainbow Smiles which is partly run by the Village of Hope. It's a group run every Friday afternoon for children between the ages of 9-15 living with HIV. Another volunteer who's just left has done a fantastic job with it, producing an educational programme for the children and working with the local counselling centre to provide a place for them where they feel accepted and loved. I don't know whether I'll play a role in this, but it was a priviledge just to come along and spend time with children who are so brave and who keep smiling even though life can be so hard for them. Tim dropped about 10 children home on the way back from Rainbow Smiles, which meant driving for at least 45 minutes round the wiggly windy roads of the townships. I was staggered by the strangeness of it all to my own eyes, and the normality of it for the people who live there. It's almost beyond words to try and impress upon you the reality of it if you've never seen it. I'll try and take some more pictures!

Today a few other volunteers, myself and Tim and Maz went wine-tasting, as Western Cape is renowned for its vineyards. The first place we went overlooked a beautiful view, and it just once again impressed upon me the extremes of South Africa- there are two entirely different worlds sitting side by side.